and it contained the lyrics: i dont know why but i love you and hate you. My favorite is when we talk, not about food and poundage, but how hard I find it to believe in my pen and all the pages I hope to fill. Its well known, a fast song and the in the chorus Im sure if has three. When I tell him I’m doing better, he asks me to explain. When I tell him I don’t “feel thin,” he can’t hide his surprise.

Mondays we can wear what we like on this day it’s just a quiet couch and 45 minutes where I try to say the truth to an understanding stranger with a Ph.D and a notebook. I take what they give me and I try to swallow. Im a time bomb and Im waiting to explode, mainstream rappers shit theyre praying I dont blow, lyrical nuke thats a saying from the bro, never straying. I listen to them count my ribs and I hear them say just how serious it is, really. I’ve endangered myself, they remind me, so much that perhaps I don’t deserve custody of my own body. yeah Im tired of always waiting Oh, yeah, yeah I. If things had been only a little different, I might be in an institution, they say. Baby when youre gone I realize Im in love Days go on and on And the nights. I choke down chalky protein shakes, alone and unamused, their promises ringing in my ears. It’s a bridge and they swear on the other side there is Real Life. Sometimes I forget my classes, but I cannot forget my “recovery team.” They have my number and each others’, and as I criss-cross town I am aware of being always on their grid.

Tell me why im waiting prod. hatemyself